having a pop at the punters

THEN – is today my birthday? Or christmas?  Or do i just spend too much money on records? (record labels take note – why do you think i’m writing this blog? Actually, to be honest, mostly it’s revenge, but more of THAT another time). Whatever reason – my parcel from Piccadilly arrived. TITS! Amongt great re-presses of both ‘Bombers’ lps (i now have THREE versions of ‘SHAKE’, but is that THE BEST BASSLINE EVER?!) (Bombers nicked it), and various disappointing re-edit twelves I opened the new mix of PigBag’s ‘Papa’s Got A Brand New Pig Bag’, which has got a vuvuzela and everything, and is basically wank.  During a conversation at the weekend i called the original version of this record “easily one of the most exciting records ever made”, but what’s happened here is that someone has added a kick drum and made it not speed up or slow down at all the crucial moments and put a vuvuzela on it and removed most of THE THING from “easily one of the most exciting records ever made”.   Next time i DJ i’m going to play the original and plug my iVuvuzela into the mixing desk, using this version for slicing the head off the first cunt to approach me and say “have you got anything i can dance to?”  (In truth, what i’m going to say from now on is “sorry, i haven’t got any Madonna”) (and then fling the record at them). At this point i would like to announce that I’m not always so nasty to these types – although on NYE i did spoil the moment somewhat by getting on the mic and telling the crowd that i’d had such a request as i was playing MICHAEL JACKSON, KING OF POP R.I.P. – last friday some bloke kept popping his head over the decks and simply saying “detroit” during an evening of no house or techno whatsoever, so in the end i rewarded him with “a bit of Carl Craig”. He Loved it! I Loved it! Everybody Loved it!

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