PRIMAVERA: FESTIVAL OF ACHING CALVES AND BEST MUSIC

I just wanna relax

DAY ONE
Most often I find myself horrified at festival line-ups. However, this time, I just couldn’t avoid the fact: the line-up was amazing. As pointed out by Wayne Coyne during the Flaming Lips set (“We’re so proud to be playing this festival”), whereupon he listed all the bands I’d just been to see myself… great minds and all that.

We had a couple of lucky breaks upon arriving. Firstly, our PayPal tickets meant we miraculously joined a different, and much less ‘Star Wars’, queue and secondly, we weren’t sucked into Primavera’s preposterous notion that you can get Group 4 to run your automated BoozeUpCard system and not piss a whole lot of people off when said system becomes drunk with power and promptly dies of gout about three hours into the start of the festival.

I JUST WANNA RELAX! I JUST WANNA RELAX!!

BIT late to see much of Of Montreal, but the last three songs were fantastic – and I love a man in a wrestling uniform.

Missed the first ten minutes of P.I.L. (where they played Public Image, probably), but upon arriving some boring old fart stood there huffing and steaming in a puffa jacket while some smacked out tramp stood there playing a banjo with abandon and making it sound EXACTLY like the demented guitar of Keith Levine (although I’m reliably informed that it wasn’t Keith Levine). And said boring old fart… sounded just like John Lydon. That’s one of the all time great voices that is, fact fans.

P.I.L.’s set was incredible. They played loads of hits – Poptones, Chant, Public Image (probably), Rise, even OPEN UP, plus a seventeen-hour-long prog version of This is not… and a version of Flowers Of Romance that had me shaking it wildly whilst picturing VERY angry punks going to see P.I.L.’s first shows and crucifying this revolutionary punk rock outfit. P.I.L. are quite clearly more punk rock than the Sex Pistols ever were. There, I’ve said it. For me, certain phrases (‘pop music’, ‘rock and roll’, ‘punk rock’) have sod all to do with describing the sound or type of music, except in the way that intention affects the way we play.

Then we have about ten minutes to attempt to buy beer again before the Suicide Promotional Service begins, and whaddya know? Grinderman turn it out like mythological gods. Despite a lack of Evil and Go Tell the Women, Grinderman do THE THING, as is their wont. WTF else are they going to do? Especially with that sexy midget maracas player, legs open wider than Mary Millington or Peter Hook, shirt open lower than that and perceived morals even lower. Do you think Warren’s balls are really that huge? Probably. But YELLOW?? As for Nick – he just wants to relax – but how many people DIDN’T go “oooooooof!” when the camera cut to an extreme close-up of his face just as he gobbed onto his own chin? POP MAGIC!

So, after watching The Greatest Pop Group Ever (more of them later), it’s time for the Flaming Lips. Weirdly, though, the world’s most funnest don’t do it for me this time. I can’t tell if it’s just that WAYNE COYNE IS DRUNK WITH POWER or if it’s because I’ve been to the Flips “it’s the end of the world and isn’t it great to be alive?! Let’s have a party!!!” party so many times and the whorl didn’t end, but somehow I felt cheated. I think maybe it could be the way they re-recorded Dark Side Of The Moon (yuk) – the most horrible album EVER – with Henry Rollins (more yuk) and Peaches (even yet still more yuk). Or it could be the last album, with its…total lack of songs or lyrics. No. I can forgive them that, but calling a FLAMING LIPS song ‘Is David Bowie Dying?’ and not delivering…

But then they played Do You Realise, and, well, you can make as many mistakes as you like, can’t you? It’s on everyone’s funeral song list and I do feel great to be alive!

after that we saw bits and pieces of things…We RAN to El Guincho, but seems Primavera had a very bad habit of putting acts on early, so instead of missing 10 minutes, that 10 minutes was all we got. It was a grrrreat 10 minutes, though, semi naked ladies rolling around in feathers on stage and a nice open happy feel in the audience. We twirled for awhile, but we needed space in the soul…unfortunately we got too much of this on….

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